I do not buy belts very often. Tonight, I threw out a belt that I have had for at least 8 years. Three or four days ago the end of the belt finally fell away from the rest of the belt past the notch that I use, which had been hanging on by less and less over the last few months.

My dilemma is this: I have been trying to purchase a new belt for two weeks now. It should not take me two weeks to find a belt. There are many possible reasons why I could not find one. One could be that I am cheap and belts cost too much. Another reason could be that I am very fashionable and could not find one trendy enough. However, these are not the reasons. I am cheap, but I am not at all fashionable. I just wanted a plain black belt.

The reason that I could not find a belt was because only fat people can buy belts. The smallest size that I could find was 2 inches larger than I would ideally get, and it took me two weeks to find it. Everything else was at least 6 inches too large, which I wouldn’t buy even if they had a hole far enough in that I could use it without it sticking out 3 inches from my waist. I understand that in Maine some people may be a little larger than average, but shouldn’t slender men in the mid-20s and high school students be able to buy belts too?